Heartbroken

I really don't know what else to say. My heart is broken. I have never had so much pain in my life, and I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I want to wake up from this nightmare, I want everything to go back to normal. I woke up this morning, actually believing it was a dream, but I was sadly wrong. I have never cried so much in my life, I have never been so sick over a boy. I gave him everything, I let him in on ALL of my secrets, which noone knows. I drove with him to Kentucky to meet my family, which I would never do. I opened up my world to him, and he slammed the door in my face so fast, I couldn't even catch my breath. Well for whomever reads my blog, you probably have no idea what the hell I am talking about. Well here is the bulk of it, Ivan and I broke up, because of his friends...His friends mind you, that I used to be friends with, his friends that got jealous that he wanted to spend so much time with me. Well, they finally won. They broke me, they did everything they could to ruin our relationship, and the won. They fucking won...But who am I to blame? Probably Ivan, he chose them over me. Who choses people that put down their girlfriend? We were supposed to have a future together, we had plans, and he threw them away. For fucking friends that are backstabbers, and just want to drink and get high all of the time. He couldn't stand up for me, he couldn't say one sentence. One sentence and none of this would have happened. He couldn't say "Hey guy, knock it off, Jessica is a good person, she didn't do anything to deserve this." or maybe "Knock it off, I love her, so shut the fuck up." NOTHING. Not a facebook message, not a text, nothing. My life is ruined over one simple sentence. One fucking sentence and it's over. I couldn't be with someone that couldn't defend me, how could he want to associate himself with people who treat me like that? I would NEVER let my friends talk badly about him, and spread lies to people that didn't even know him. I am so hurt by everything. I am stunned, I am in a state of shock. I can't eat, all I do is sleep....I was at work for the past two days, and both days I had to sit in the back to collect myself, so I would stop crying in front of customers. I keep messing up at work, which is so unlike me, I shorted a customer 70 dollars, which I have no idea how I even did that, I could my money 3 times. I just want this to be over. After this semester, I think I am seriously going to move if things don't fall back into place. I am moving the fuck out of Michigan, I can not take it, all it has done is make me a weak helpless little girl. I want him to realize he made a mistake, hell, his brother even realizes it. I want him to realize that they will never be able to give him all of the love and support I gave him, they will never be there for him like I was. I want him to want our future together again, because obviously he lost faith somewhere along the way. Most of all, I need him to realize he can't live without me, that he doesn't want to live without me. Who knows if that day will ever come, but I hope to God that day comes soon. I am not strong enough for this, I can't go through this alone, and all of my friends that I stopped hanging out with, and talking to, because I was spending all of my time with him, realized, that's what people do when they date. My friends are so understanding about everything, and they have been so supportive of me the past couple of days, I just wish his friends were ginuine like that. I wish he made me a top priority, I really wish that. I am babysitting right now, and typing this while the kids are sleeping, whom love Ivan, and can't stop talking about him, how does that make me feel? Like shit. I can't escape it. Everything reminds me of him. I want to curl up in a ball and die. God, you have a sick way of doing things, but please make this end, please make your reason so obvious, so I know what to do next. Because as of right now, I have no clue what to do. I know nothing anymore.....I am so lost, so heartbroken. Please just make it end :(

"No matter how bad a thing is hurting us, sometimes letting go hurts even more."
"Here's just one piece of advice I can give you,it's this; when there's something you really want,fight for it, don't give up no matter how hopelessit seems. And when you've lost hope, ask yourselfif 10 years from now, you're gonna wish you gave itjust one more shot. Because the best things in life,don't come free."
"Do you realize what you are to me? What you're always going to be? You are the love of my life... everyone else will always be second best. There will never be another you."
"I miss you when something really good happens, cause you're the one I want to share it with. I miss you when something is troubling me,cause you're the one who understands me so well. I miss you when I laugh and cry, cause I know that you're the one that makes my laughter grow, and tears disappear. I miss you all the time, but I miss you the most when I lie awake at night and think of all the wonderful times that we spent with each other."