Another day, same crap

So, I have realized that the boys in my life are so complicating, and I think I have a major problem, because that makes me stay even longer. I deal with shit from this one boy I have been seeing, and I really like him, but he is so much trouble, I feel like I have to deal with stuff I never would before. I hate when people are flaky about plans, and he totally is one of those people, he will blow me off, unless there is nothing better going on, and there is my red flag, so why am I not going away? I think Ivan has given me such a complex, that I secretly and so afraid of getting hurt, so I stick around for the guys that treat me like shit, and I don't expect anything so this way I don't get hurt, but I am getting hurt by what he is doing. I feel so unwanted, and the thing is, I have a few other guys "after me", but that's not what I want, I don't want to surround myself with guys, I don't need their approval, I don't need them to like me, I just want him to like me! So, mark my words, from this moment on, I am done trying with him, if something happens, it happens, I am not rushing things, and I am not getting upset if I don't get my way. If he wants to hang out, or whatever, he will make the effort..I just hope he does...

Using this more

So, I have decided that using this blog is probably going to help me a lot with my emotions and over reacting and handling situations better. I have been on a roller coaster of emotions lately, well, since the whole Ivan thing. It just seems to be getting worse lately, I have been more moody, and I seem more unhappy with my life. I am happy being alone, not dating anyone, which is great, but, I do want to date someone, I like someone a lot, and there are a lot of strings attached to the situation, and I know I would get hurt, so it's almost to the point where it's not worth my feelings being hurt, and not worth me being hurt. I guess sometimes liking someone, and seeing the red flag, is good now, then before I get myself invested, like I did before. I feel so uneasy about my life, I like my job, which is a first, but I hate my personal life. My friends suck, like really suck, to the point where it makes me so depressed that I allow them to suck the life out of me, but the only reason I sick around is because it's convenient and they are fun to hang out with, I just can't trust them with things, I can't tell them about my life, it's so one-sided, I feel like all they want to do is talk about their problems, and only want to do what they want, which I guess is karma, because Ivan said that's all I did, things that I wanted. I am done doing it though. I am tired of feeling like a burden, I am tired of feeling like I am inconveniencing them. I am only worrying about my feelings now. I have so much to write in here, and I am going to update it more often, my good way of venting :)