It's been a while, but I am back with good news!

I am so over that lying scum bag of an ex boyfriend! I found out so much in the past month, and I am so glad, Ivan did me a favor. A so called "friend" has been basically an enemy through this entire thing. Ivan told her not to upload certain pictures until we broke up, she knew he was going to break up with me, at one point, and didn't tell me, what kind of friend does that? And I am sorry, but just because you lose feelings for someone does NOT give you the right to continue living your life with them as if you still have feelings for them, and it's not alright for you to continue to tell them that you love them and want to have a future with them, and make plans, up until a day before you break up with someone. You don't get to do that and not come off as a fucking jerk. I fell in love with a complete stranger, and it's sad to know I wasted 8 months with him. Something positive did come out of this though, I am slowly starting to get my best friend back. I have realized how I treated our friendship, and going through all of this, I realize that had I had her in my life, I would have delt with it a lot better. I am a lot happier then I thought I would be, and I think that is because I realized how big of a favor he did for me. He got me out of a fake relationship, one where I gave all of the love I could, and all he could do was lie and lie about his feelings. I am SO sick of people saying I have been treating him like shit, hello! I am not the one who broke up with him! I am not the one that lied to him! I am not the one that trash talke my friends then ran back to them after I broke up with the person I was dating! I am not the one that ruined someone's life! He did all of those things, not me. I loved him unconditionally through his depression, through him yelling at me, his moods, how could I not be affected by all of those things? He made me so bitter about the realtionship, and I couldn't realize it, I was blinded by love. You don't stop loving someone in a week, and you don't say you can't be their friend because it hurts too much. Sounds like your feelings were conflicted dude! You can take all of your conflicted feelings and fuck yourself with them for all I care. I wasted so much money on him. So much money, and not even that, but all of my feelings, all of my emotions, all of me. You wonder why you can't find out who you are? Because you don't want to! You want to live in your party world, with your fake friends, who don't even know you have thoughts about killing yourself all the time. Your fucking fake friends who would throw you under a bus to save themselves. Great people to be around. I went on a date....And you know what? I didn't like it, but it's not because I miss you, because I don't, because I don't even know you. It's because I want better, I am not settling this time. And so sorry if that hurts you, but you have hurt me enough, and I never got the truth from you, and I never will, so you might as well know my truth. And speaking of truth, I never once lied to you about what I went through, and it's pretty shitty that you and her think I was lying, I would NEVER lie about something like that, never. So you can think about that, think about how I am a bitch for not telling you, well it was my choice, not yours. You have everyone teling you what you did was right, but look at who is telling you that, a girl that cheated on her boyfriend, that dumped a guy she was dating for two years, the nicest guy in the world, on his birthday. You are no better then that. You are a liar, you lied about what you told your friends, and made me look like I was the one telling you not to hang out with them, when you know that I kept telling you time after time to hang out with your friends. I am happy now, without you. So happy, I am finding myself again, and I realize that I have bigger dreams then I could have achieved with you. Wow, this is a long rant of bitterness, but that's okay. I have the right to be bitter. I hope you have a good life with your friends and your smoking and drinking, did you forget that that's how my uncle just died? Do you even care? Did you ever care about me? I sadly think not, if you ever cared about me you never would have lied to me. I deserve so much better then that, you even know that. The letter you wrote to me, you told me how I deserved better. Maybe that's one of the reasons you ended it, you realized you would never be enough for me, but you sadly were before I realized I just spent 8 months with a liar. You owed me an explanation, you don't get to feel good about yourself, you should feel bad about this, you kept it from me that you lost feelings for me. That is horrible to keep from someone, how could you do that? I wasted tears on you. I apologized for everything, when it was not all my fault. Most of it was your fault, I am not sorry for anything I say, it's blunt, and straight to the point. I hope next time when this happens, because you know it will happen again, your depression will fuck with your feelings, you are going to break someone else's heart, and I feel for that girl. She won't even see what's coming. I still have your blanket/penguin/and a shirt, you will get it all back. I don't want anything of yours. Sorry for the biterness, but it's how I feel, and now that I have this all down for you to read, I can finally go and live my life happily, you wouldn't stop me even if you didn't read this. I am going to live my life, move out of Portage, and never meet anyone like you anymore.



".....and Abigail gave everything she had to a boywho changed his mind"