"You are so great, so amazing"

Am I really? Because something is telling me I am not, even though everyone I know tells me that I am. Please tell me, how someone who is supposed to be in love with me, can just stop loving me in one week? I must have done something? Brigid suggested writing letters to him, just not sending them. I think I might start doing that. Getting the memories out on paper, because they are just circling my head. I am just so tired of this life.

Quotes for the soul

What is heartbreak? Is it lying on the bathroom floor trying your damnedest to breathe while simultaneously wondering why it went wrong, how you're gonna get up and pretend like everything is alright and what the hell are you going to do about that hole in your chest

I woke up this morning and played our song, and through my tears I sang along. I picked up the phone and then put it down, 'cause I know I'm wasting my time.

I can't take much more of this. See, I have this breaking point, and all of this has pushed me so far to the edge, I'm surprised that I'm even still breathing.



I guess quotes just help me....Not really help, nothing helps.

Some more quotes

Sometimes when I think of you it hurts me because I know you're not thinking of me

In the end, we only regret the chances we didn't take, the relationships we were afraid to have and the decisions we waited too long to make.

Everyday some random thing reminds me of you. Is this fate's way of telling me not to give up? It wasn't supposed to end like this.


The reason it's so painful when someone disappears is you have to face the
fact that the person you loved had probably left you a long time before he
grabbed his coat and scrammed. The part part is realizing that he was lying
to you, in some way, before the moment of vanishing.

I walk in the door && they tell me to smile...
They say I should be happy
&& all I can do is ask how.
How can I be happy when all I can do is think about losing you?

I just want you to know that I miss those days
when we could talk all day about nothing
and just look at each other and smile
and not be afraid to be around eachother
...i miss the old you.

People always ask me, "Have you ever been in love?"
I tell them, "Yes, but that wasn't good enough for him."

You can't just kiss me and expect it not to mean anything to me, you can't just walk away from me with no regrets or second thoughts, you can't just treat me like I'm not even worthy of your smile - yet you have, you did, you are

Because you know I'm not going to give up on you. You know that
I'm way too deep to let go of you, so you feel like you don't need
to try and change, because I'm not going anywhere. And the sad part
is, it's true. I will never give up on you. You could cheat on me,
you could ignore me, you could totally destroy my world, and I won't
give up on you - on us.


Another day, another sad day of heartbreak. I have been getting some help from people I didn't see it coming from. Nick has really been here for me, which is weird, because 2 years ago, he just fell off the face of the earth. I think he is really worried about me, and I don't blame him. Then, Laura's ex boyfriend has been help to me too. I knew he had basically been dumped by her like I was, and he told me that it took him a long time, and he was anti-social for a while, but spent time doing things alone that he liked to do. I don't even know what I like to do, and while yes, I have been anti-social, that doesn't mean much. I lost someone very important to me. Someone that couldn't tell me we were having problems, someone that just dropped me. None of that changes how I feel about him, and how I will always feel. I changed, I had some things happen, I need him to help me get through this. I need him to realize that he was in love with me, and he found something good in me, and he can find that again. He is my entire life, my soul mate. I just hope time will tell him what he needs to know, and that I am probably the only person that would always be there for him, no matter what. I am tired of being selfish, I want to work on things, I want to be that better person I was with him, until then, I need to be under close watch, and I need a change.

When will it all end?

It's been a week. A horrible week. I am heartbroken, I am sick, everything just keeps happening. My uncle died on Saturday. He had brain cancer, and just couldn't hold on anymore. I haven't even really registered his death yet. My mom is a mess, and the worst thing is that can't be there for her. I am so consumed in my own thoughts, my own well-being, that I can't be there for her. They are leaving tomorrow for his funeral, so I get to be alone on Christmas. Yay me. :( I want this year to go away, I want this feeling to go away. I want to be me, I want to be with him still. I know it's not going to happen. He needs to be alone, and he couldn't be with me anymore. So basically, he stopped loving me, even though he says he hasn't. He was just unhappy with the relationship, which granted, I was mean a lot, and we only need things I wanted. I regret it, and I wish he would just try, try again. He is worried for me. I haven't been eating, I am really weak, I tried to, and I just threw it up. I sleep with his blanket, all I do is think of him. I told him that I wished it was me that died. My uncle had his wife, he was so in love with her, I don't have that, but I wish I did. I was listening to her on the phone, it was depressing. She doesn't know what to do without him. He's gone forever, who knows when she will see him again? I think to myself, she has been with him since she was like 20, so almost 40 years, she got to grow with him, find who she was, they had a lot of ups and downs, and they stuck together. I look at my relationship, I don't get that. Maybe that's why I am so upset? I don't get to have 40 years of growing with him, I don't get to find out who I am with him. Sure we had ups and downs, and downs recently, but love is about growing, and working, nothing in life comes easy, and I am just sad he couldn't see himself with me. Because that's all I see. I only see myself with him. He is my soul mate. I just wish I was his :( He told me the other night that he missed me, and I asked if he missed me then why still be apart, and he said he just couldn't do it. I don't know what changed, and why he couldn't talk to me about it, it's so painful to not even be able to change this. I would do anything. Everything bad keeps happening, just one thing after another, even if it's small, it's still breaking me. I just want it done. I have been trying to find things to watch on tv, do you know how hard that is? I am not watching Christmas movies, I can't watch anything that reminds me of him.....I just hate my life right now, and yeah ok "Life will get better" I am so sick of hearing that. Sure, it might, but that's not helping me now. I am miserable, my life is not getting any better. I just need something, I need help :(

Broken....

Just broken...It's not even heartbreak. I am broken, I am just gone. Yet another one of these blogs. Why, I wonder? Is it worth it? I sadly think so, and it's sad, and pitiful, but what am I to do? The person that I am in love with just decided that he didn't want to be with me anymore. Why? I would love to know that. It came to such a shock to me. I am still in shock. 8 months, for what? To have my heart broken and be completely miserable? I am so sick of hearing all of my friends tell me I am so great, I am an amazing and caring person. Really? Is that really true? Because I call bullshit. If I am so great, then why did he leave me? Why did he chose to dump me and not even tell me why? What did I do to deserve this? And who dumps someone a week before Christmas? I feel like I am in one of those snow globes, and someone picked it up, and just shook the fuck out of it. Just kept shaking it, and let it break, and let the glass stab me in a million pieces. This is the most pain I have felt in my entire life. I love him more then anything in this world, and I would do anything to have him feel the same way, but you can't change how people feel. I just wanted to grow old with him. Maybe he thought I expected too much? All I ever expected was that he really meant it when he said he loved me, which I guess he didn't. He held me while I was sleeping, and didn't say a word....

I have realized with all of this that I kind of am a nice person, I am always there for other people when they are sad, or are going through things, yet when I am going through the exact same thing, they aren't here for me. I do appreciate my friends that have been here for me, I just really don't have many of those. Nothing matters to me anymore. My holiday is ruined, my life is ruined. I want to pick up and leave, and if I had money to do so, then I would, in a heartbeat. I can't manage the thought of him breaking my heart anymore. I can play last night over and over in my head, I really didn't see it coming, I am devastated. Just a girl with a broken heart. He made me such a better person, and I am greatful for that, but I couldn't do that for him. I failed at doing that for him.


All I'm asking for is one night together. Just you and me. All alone. And if you can honestly say you don't feel anything for me after that night, I will finally let you go.

Today was just one of those days where everything I did reminded me of you and every song I heard somehow related to you. I hate days like today, because they remind me of the one thing I dont have.

I'm the one you're meant for and you're going to come back to me. So sure, break up with me now, but I'm telling you, you'll be back. You'll be back when you realize that you broke up with the one girl who was meant to be with you. But see, the thing is, you just better hope the girl is still there.

Love is putting up with someone's bad qualities because they somehow complete you.

Hold me when I cry, sleep with me on my drenched pillow, just for one night.